I am back home after what has been the most profound and moving experience of my life – the burial of my dad.
I have learnt a lot this last month about faith, strength, friendship, family and the dignity of death. I flew home besot with feelings of guilt, sorrow and fear. Fear because I didn’t know if I could give dad a befitting burial. By God’s grace and with the help of family, friends and wel-wishers, dad got a good send-off.
It took me a few days before I went to see his body. I was very apprehensive. My dad however lay there with this look of dignity and contentment. It was almost like he was happy where he was. I left the room with an uncanny sense of calm.
Navigating through the myriad Agona customs was a test in patience and diplomacy. The high point was negotiating the terms of my mum’s widowship rites and other exotic customs. Those old women drive a hard bargain and it’s amazing how much akpeteshie they can consume. I was lucky to have my uncle with me in all the dealings with the Ebusua, else they would have eaten me alive. Why do we have to make everything so complicated? Why is everything sealed with a bottle of Schnapps?
We transported the body to Nyakrom with the Okyeame (my dad was from the Agona royal lineage). Unbeknownst to me, you cannot transport a body over any river without pouring some libation. So the Okyeame sat by the hearse driver with a bottle of Schnapps and poured some in every river we crossed. I wondered how much ended in his belly.
My brothers and I carried dad into his childhood room and then back into the hearse. It was a very profound experience. Placing him in the coffin was also quite emotional.
A great weight fell off my shoulder after the burial and that night, I slept like I hadn’t in a while.
My dad was ready to go. He died praying that “Let this be the day.” He died in a dignified way and unafraid. He welcomed it. Three months before, he had been dropping hints about a “trip he was about to take!” This far cry from the way the Western society treats death and how hard we cling to life. His death has been a very important lesson.
nana